Against All Odds

Joe Chura:

Welcome to another episode of the Not Almost There podcast. I’m your host, Joe Chura. Today is very special to me, because I have my friend Brian Reyelt in the house, and we’re going to talk about his recovery from alcoholism. I focus on recovery, because that is what’s most important in this piece, as we have all found ourselves at different points in our lives in non-ideal situations, either picking up bad habits or leading us down a bad life path. So whether or not you suffer from alcoholism, there’s certainly something to be taken from this episode. And that is my driver for this podcast, is to help each one of us, including myself, constantly strive to be better, and it’s an ongoing thing. And the parallels we talk about today apply to everyone at some level.

Joe Chura:

I’ve known Brian for almost two years now, and what’s impressed me the most and continues to impress me, is that he has had the courage to admit things were out of his control. He’s had the courage to seek treatment, and has the courage today to share his story with you. And when you hear the story and hear what Brian has achieved now in his life, I think it is pretty remarkable. Now, I’m going to set the scene for you. Brian is sitting in his living room one morning with a bottle of vodka. This is 8:00 AM. He’s been drinking it for the last hour, and he has an appointment to get to. So against his better judgment, he gets behind the wheel with the bottle of vodka next to him in the car.

Joe Chura:

And if you’re watching or listening to my words, you can see this movie unfold in your head, and you may have guessed what happens next. He gets pulled over and is arrested for a DUI. Brian and I are going to start our conversation talking about this dark moment. This is his bottom, and how he knew he was hurting those around him, and of course himself. What he was going through that morning, how he contemplated committing suicide, but more importantly, how he was able to take those first steps to begin his journey towards recovery.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah, so that morning is one that I will never forget. And I was very angry for a long time, but I can remember it as clear as day. It was 8:00 in the morning or so, bottle of vodka literally in my hand, blue skies, four days after the 4th of July. Should be really happy celebrating life, and I wasn’t. And next thing I’m behind bars, honestly, I’m behind bars. And it’s hard for me to say, but it’s true. And that’s probably the safest place I could have been at that moment.

Joe Chura:

You get arrested, now you’re in jail. What are you thinking in your mind at that point?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah, it’s like the famous song, How Did I Get Here? This is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful car. What is going on? There was a lot of anger, there was a lot of fear. There was a lot of concern of what’s next? What’s going to happen? How did I get here? How did this get so bad? And a lot of disgust in myself.

Joe Chura:

Brian, I’m so sorry that you were feeling that way. What happened next with your wife?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. So at that moment, she wasn’t very pleased with me, rightfully so. I had called my business partners and they had helped me out to get out of jail, so I didn’t spend much time there. And from there on, we were dark. I was reaching out to her, reaching out to her, and she just wasn’t ready to talk to me at the moment. She was very, very upset, and like I said, rightfully so. And I couldn’t catch on. So from then, that day rolled into the next, where I had signed myself into a hospital that she coincidentally works at, and that’s when I saw her. I was in the ER, I had explained that I needed help. They had me down and she came down to see me, and basically took all my codes, everything, my cards, and was like, “You need to go do your thing and I’m going to take care of the kids, and I will talk to you later.”

Joe Chura:

So that had to be a completely surreal experience for you, to recall what that moment was like.

Brian Reyelt:

At that moment, I was a shell of a human being. I was crying, I was upset. I was not mad at her by any means. I knew she had all the right intentions, and honestly, I just felt like I deserved it. I felt like my life was over like, “This party is over. You’ve lived a great life, and you have thrown it down the drain. And whatever happens next, happens next, but you probably are going to lose your family and your life, your business, all that stuff.” And I didn’t see much hope at the time.

Joe Chura:

Had you been drinking for a long time up until that point, and it just got out of control?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. Yeah. So social drinker through college. Restaurant industry, as they say, they’re like pirate ships, it’s socially acceptable. And I say that, but also in 2020 hindsight, looking back as a leader, I shouldn’t have been doing what I was doing with drinking with staff and things like that. But I really feel as if the stepping stone was after my mother passed away. My mother passed away 17 years ago, and I didn’t have anything to turn to. I grew up a religious man, but I didn’t have any spirituality inside of me. So I would put my head down, run with the ball, and if I had a problem, I would drink my way through it, and then forget about it and move on. And that’s how I dealt with life, and it just progressively snuck up on me without me knowing.

Joe Chura:

So it started off as you casually drinking?

Brian Reyelt:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Joe Chura:

And then you’re drinking more at work. Were you finding yourself going toward alcohol because of stress, or was it habitual? What was the main reason that you would grab a drink?

Brian Reyelt:

I would grab a drink, I always enjoyed it socially. And I had a lot of fun. I liked to believe I was fun to be around for most part until probably the end, I wasn’t so much fun to be around. But habitually, yeah. If a football game’s on, yeah. I might as well have a beer, right? We’re going out for dinner? Yeah, I’m going to grab a martini before we sit down, then we’re going to have some wine. It seemed pretty common and normal to me, honestly, coming from the business that I’d been in. And I grew up in the restaurant industry and hospitality, so that was normal. 5:00 in our house, it was cheese and crackers on the table, my mom’s having a Captain and Coke, and my dad’s having a cocktail as well. So it was just like, if you think about it from the environmental effect, I grew up with that. And that’s just, it was normal.

Joe Chura:

So let’s walk back to when you started as an entrepreneur in the restaurant industry to set this up a little bit. So you had your first restaurant at what age?

Brian Reyelt:

Secured my first restaurant at 29. So yeah, it was great. I had gotten married, had our first child, and opened a restaurant all within the same year. There was no pressure at all.

Joe Chura:

And at that point, alcohol was just casual enjoyment, right?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah.

Joe Chura:

There was no signs of anything?

Brian Reyelt:

No.

Joe Chura:

So then the business was pretty successful, right?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah.

Joe Chura:

And I know you had opened other restaurants as well. When did that occur? How long did it take you to ramp up the first one?

Brian Reyelt:

So after we opened the first one, we ended up opening two simultaneously within the next, I think 14 months. And once again, no pressure, right? I have some business partners who are great people. And I was always the one that they were like, “Should we do it? What do you think? I don’t know. This seems like a big challenge.” And I’m like, “Let’s go for it.” And I still have that attitude of like, “Well, I’m in.” And that’s probably half the reason why I got myself into trouble. But yeah, we just started accelerating, and we started moving at a rapid pace, and we were successful, still successful.

Joe Chura:

So then were you finding yourself as the business was growing and being successful, drinking more and more habitually, or was it to manage stress, or what was the main catalyst there?

Brian Reyelt:

So what I would say to you about that is, restaurants are built a certain way, and the back of the house isn’t… There’s a saying called asses in seats pay bills, right? So limited space in the back of the house. And my office was also a liquor room for most of my life. So very casual still, it would be like, “How about we have a drink or whatever else?” Or we had amazing cocktail bars with these mixologists who would make these mind-blowing drinks. And they’d be like, “Can you taste this? Can you taste that?” So it was just part of a daily routine, honestly. It wasn’t like grabbing a bottle off the shelf and just start drinking, that wasn’t the situation. Honestly, it seemed normal, like we were just tasting stuff and moving along. We have a whiskey bar, and with multiple barrels under our name.

Brian Reyelt:

So we would do tastings all the time of whiskey, or we were changing wine lists and tasting all the time. So drinking was just, it seems as part of the job.

Joe Chura:

Like it’s part of the job.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. And I think a lot of restaurant people would agree with that. And it’s a problem in the restaurant industry. I know it’s in another industries as well, but when it’s in your face all the time, it just becomes one of those things, like you finish a great shift in a hot kitchen, that’s 130 degrees or whatever, an ice cold beer sounds good, right? You reward your staff. I like to consider myself a cook more than a chef, and I’d reward the staff, and I’d have a beer with them, or one turns into two, two turns into three. I’ve never had a beer, right? I don’t know somebody that ever had a beer.

Joe Chura:

So you’re 29 when you start the first restaurant. Other restaurants pop up or you create, I should say in your early thirties, so 30, 31. You’re casually drinking. At what age then do you realize, you may have a problem, or the first thing happens and maybe you’re ignorant to the problem still?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah, I was very ignorant to it, that’s an excellent word. Probably around 37 is when it hit. I looked in the mirror, I was like, “I’m completely out of shape.” Or probably 36. I think 36 is a more accurate number. It’s like, “I’m completely out of shape. I need to get in shape.” I used to be super fit when I was younger, and I loved that lifestyle. And I’m like, “I’m drinking too much, and I’m not training at all or working out.” As I called it back then. And I was like, “I need a lifestyle shift.” So probably around 36, we had at that time, nine restaurants. So we had been pushing from all cylinders. And it was that look in the mirror and was like, “Yeah, I need to stop.”

Brian Reyelt:

And I would stop for, say a week or 10 days. And then I would, as the story goes, you go back to it and it’s just a little bit worse. And then it just gets a little bit worse. And that’s probably when it happened, that final year before I went down.

Joe Chura:

When you say it gets worse, was there ever an incident before the morning of, either at work or with the law or with your family, that you may have realized like, “Hey, this is a problem.” And this has gone too far outside of you? Obviously looking in the mirror and saying, “I’m out of shape.”

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah, absolutely. Never with the law. Never at work. I felt like I was pulling my weight there. So I felt like I was okay by it then. But at home, I wasn’t showing up for my family. That’s for sure. I mean, I was putting in over a hundred hours a week. And I would have conversations with my wife and she’d be like, “You need to stop.” You’re drinking too much or whatever it may be. And I’d say, “Yeah, you’re right.” And I would stop for a little bit, but then something inside me would tell me, “It’s okay to keep… You can have another one.” And it’s that disease of the mind.

Joe Chura:

How would others have been able to recognize that you did have an issue though? It seems like it was pretty subtle or subdued.

Brian Reyelt:

Well, I’ll tell you what. People with addiction issues are masters of manipulation. They become very secretive. They hide things. They’re just living a dual life. It’s a dishonest lifestyle that you’re leading. And those that know you best, can see right through it. Laura, my wife, she could see right through it. So she would call me on it. My sisters don’t live near me, but when they’d see me, they’d be like, “He changed. What’s going on?” And they could see through the BS. And that’s it, it’s really knowing somebody and watching them change. It’s not really the physical change, it’s more of the mental change, their mind shift. And that really shows up, their subconscious just takes over.

Joe Chura:

And when did it go from the casual drinking to drinking really in the morning. To me, that feels like a telltale sign, when you wake up in you fish an Apollo Vodka at 8:00 AM, then you know, at least from my perception and my knowledge, I mean, that’s obviously a huge red flag. How did it go from casual to that?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. I mean, a drink at the end of your shift in the evening, turns to a celebratory shot after a busy push in the kitchen. And it slowly just starts creeping down that clock. And you’re like, “I’m never going to have a drink before 3:00.” And then you find yourself on a beach somewhere, right? And you’re like, “Oh, sure. I’ll have a margarita or whatever.”

Joe Chura:

Yeah. It’s 5:00 somewhere. Yeah.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah, yeah, exactly, right? And that hour just keeps clicking down. And then you’re like, “I’ll never drink before noon.” And next thing you know, it happens. And it just slowly gets there. And then you’re there one day, and you’re like, “This is not right.” You know it. You absolutely know it. And it’s so far gone at that point, because it’s not in your control. It’s a disease, honestly. It’s a threefold disease, addiction. And it needs to be acknowledged more in society, because there’s a lot of problems. But your body becomes dependent on it, you can’t physically function without it. You can’t mentally function without it. You can’t think straight.

Brian Reyelt:

So you have some, and it brings you back to a new norm, right? Whatever your norm is shifting down hill, but you need to get back on to that hill, to your new norm so you feel okay. And that in lies the problem. Because that just keeps dropping, dropping, dropping. And I know I’m so blessed and graced, that I was able to get caught off when I did.

Joe Chura:

Yeah. I want to go back there now. Now going back to the story, you get out of jail. You go to the hospital, you tell them you need help, see your wife. I didn’t even know your wife worked there. That had to be surreal. From there, what happens? Where do you go to next?

Brian Reyelt:

So I give a lot of credit to my faith nowadays. One of the regulars from one of my restaurants, was actually the ER doc at the time. You can’t even make this stuff up. He was the ER doc, and he looks behind the curtain, he’s like, “Brian?” And I’m like, I say his name. And he’s like, “What are you doing here?” And I literally just fell out of the bed crying. And he picks me up and I explained what’s going on. He puts me in the bed and he’s like, “Okay. Listen, there’s two ways we can do this here, either way it’s going to stay with you and I. I can either be your friend or your doctor. But I’m here to help you.” And I was like, “I need a doctor. I need a doctor.”

Brian Reyelt:

And he’s like, “I got you.” And that was the first time I asked for help. And that is a key, key component of all of this, asking for help. It’s a shame thing or whatever, living a life where it’s like masculinity or whatever it is. Women are just as guilty. It’s like nobody asks for help, especially at those executive levels, right? Where you should be asking for more help. But that was my first ask for help.

Joe Chura:

So what was the help? What did he do?

Brian Reyelt:

So yeah. He stabilized me. And that is actually when my wife came down after I got stabilized. I saw her for a brief second, and then she disappeared. And before I knew it, I was being taken to a psychiatric ward to detox. And I spent a week there and it was literally the scariest week of my life. And it was exactly what I needed. It was not a welcoming environment by any means. But I was also used to getting what I wanted when I wanted. Flashback three months before then, I was having high tea at the top of the Ritz Carlton in Hong Kong. Now I’m in a room where I have to ask to use the bathroom, and somebody is going to watch me. That’s not glamorous.

Joe Chura:

What did you observe there, in terms of the other folks there that were in there? Did they have similar stories, or was it completely different?

Brian Reyelt:

So it was a real hodgepodge of human beings in there. There were people with very, very serious mental illnesses, that were just being kept there to stay alive. And it’s really sad when I think back about it, how bad they were hurting. And age ranges anywhere from 16 to a 70 year old man. And people with drug addictions, there were few alcoholics and stuff like that, but just people that were not safe on the streets, they were better off in a lockdown facility. And I needed to spend a little bit of time there. And it’s like you’re trying to contact family members. I forget who says it, but you ever have shoes without shoe laces? I have. There’s a reason behind that. There’s a reason the phone cord is only this long, six inches, because it’s just a dangerous environment.

Brian Reyelt:

So I saw a lot of stuff that honestly nobody should have to see. People being chased down for their own good to save them. So I was happy to leave that facility. That was great.

Joe Chura:

I can’t imagine the feeling you had when waking up. So your body’s detoxing itself, right? Because there’s no way they’re allowing anything in there. And you probably have this feeling that your family is, at the very least, extremely, extremely upset with you, and you’re at risk of losing them. Yeah. Take me back to your mindset then. You wake up in the morning where you’re like, “This is just one big nightmare? Is this real?”

Brian Reyelt:

Oh yeah. I could not believe it was actually my reality. I’m like, “Nobody on the outside world of this facility wants to speak to me. Nobody wants me in their life right now, that knows what’s going on.” And I just felt completely worthless, completely worthless. For me I’m like, “This is it. Party’s over.” And I don’t know where I go from here, but I know my past is most likely over. And I didn’t know how to communicate with people. I was in a facility with a man that I was afraid to sleep next to.

Joe Chura:

So you had a roommate? You were in a dorm room?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah, exactly. So we’re in a dorm setting. It was a lockdown facility. They come in with a flashlight every 15 minutes and check to make sure that you’re okay. So you’re not sleeping. And you’re not sleeping either because you’re detoxing. The good thing is, when you detox at an environment like that, as opposed to at home, which I would never recommend to anybody, because it’s super dangerous. In an environment like that, they can help stabilize you. Help with your heart, and help with everything else, because it is so dangerous to come right off a substance. And thank God I wasn’t on anything else either.

Brian Reyelt:

But there were a lot of people on other stuff that were really in a lot of pain. And the guy next to me, I’ll never forget it, he was just shaking and he was in so much pain. And I was like, “Hey, can I get you some crackers and water or anything?” And he just looked at me and said, “No.” And I was like, “Okay. That’s going to be our relationship.” So it was one thing after the next. And you meet people in there and you realize, “Yeah, maybe in my life everybody is super mad, and maybe my life has come to the pits, but there are people in here with a lot worse problems, a lot worse things going on.” And you can relate in different ways. You’re really in the mud and you start thinking from that angle. That’s where I started thinking from the mud.

Joe Chura:

I actually can relate to that. Not from alcohol, but I went to a behavioral psychiatric hospital in my early twenties, right after I started working at Ford. The catalyst was I just had my daughter, her mom and me broke up. And at that point I just hit severe depression. I just had a kid, I didn’t want to be in this place, I watched my parents go through a divorce. And I checked in for help. And what I realized, Brian, to your point is, the problems I had were, I don’t want to say minuscule, but they were far less complex than others. And my greatest gift was being able to find myself in a position where I was growing from helping those other people. And this was back in the day where… I just remembered the two people in there, and there’s probably five in this group, and one person had been diagnosed with HIV and was going through that.

Joe Chura:

I’d never met anyone at that moment in my life that was going through that. And I felt myself as becoming a friend of that person, and talking to them through it. Another person, it was a lady, her husband shot himself in front of her after a dispute. And I was just looking at myself. Again, I think problems are all relative, right? My problem could have been, to me, as big as those other ones. But what I realized is, it wasn’t. And it helped me get through it by talking with those people. So I can totally relate to where you’re coming from when you look at that in context to say, I was having high tea three months ago. But also for you, it was just that you’re such a dramatic difference. Is that you’re almost literally on top of the world, right?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. I know. I know.

Joe Chura:

And then now you’re there. So I guess going back to that, how long were you in there for? So it was a psychiatric ward initially that had a detox component to it. What was that duration?

Brian Reyelt:

So I was in there for a week. And what I’ll touch upon real fast, you just shared a really powerful point, about the people you meet and helping other people. And that’s what it was. It was, could I help my roommate get crackers? No, that didn’t work out well. There’s other people I can help. Somebody that’s twice my size, you get a meal ticket and that person’s starving. I’m like, “Dude, you can have my micro cheese or whatever it was.” Just those little simple acts or what really, really drives home for me before I go to the next part real fast is, there was a girl there who was 16. And I’ve never still felt so bad for somebody.

Brian Reyelt:

And she grew up being assaulted by her father, her uncles. She turned out to be a heroin addict. I mean, she was 16 years old. And this girl was so broken down. And she would just make these bracelets in the hallway. And I remember one afternoon I just sat down next to her, and I introduced myself. And I was like, “Your bracelets are beautiful. Can you teach me how to make one?” And by me asking her how to make one, I think just took her out of her own head for maybe those 15, 20 minutes, and it made her smile. And that was just a big thing. So you go through those environments.

Joe Chura:

Yeah, that’s a good point.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. From there I went to a facility in the middle of nowhere, up in New Hampshire for 35 days in treatment in an inpatient facility, where I really learned The Big Book. And I realized that alcohol is-

Joe Chura:

Wait, what’s The Big Book?

Brian Reyelt:

So The Big Book is the 12 step program for alcoholics, for Alcoholics Anonymous. And the thing behind it that I realized when I was there, I learned a lot, but I learned how much history of alcoholism there was in my family. And that this was a big catch point for me, I’ve been given a chance now. And I started studying, started learning these things. I started reading book, and the one of the counselors told me, he said, “Just read the book and tell me what you think. And bring a highlighter and highlight anything that you can associate with.” So I opened it up, and as I’m reading I’m like, “Wow, that’s crazy.” And the book is written in the 1930s. And I just started-

Joe Chura:

Is the book called 12 Steps?

Brian Reyelt:

It’s The Big Book.

Joe Chura:

It’s called The Big Book?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Chura:

Okay. Okay.

Brian Reyelt:

And the 12 steps are in there. And the first step is admitting you’re powerless over substance. And when it was written in the thirties it was alcohol, nowadays it can be associated to anything. And there’s actually, I would recommend to anybody that’s new to the game, that’s looking to get help, Russell Brand has a book on overcoming addiction, and he has an audio version that’s fantastic. And he starts out by, step one is admitting that you’re powerless. And his step one is, just admit that you’re fucked. Your life is completely fucked. So it has some humor, and I think it’s great for the next generation for people to learn from. So yeah, I spent 35 days there, then I wasn’t ready to come home. I still had a lot to learn.

Brian Reyelt:

And my family had a lot to learn also, and things just weren’t lining up quite yet. We had a lot to figure out how we were going to move forward. And even to that point, I wasn’t sure if we still were, but I give thanks to God that my wife supported me and stayed with me and rode out the storm, so to speak. So I went from there to their 90 day halfway house to live there, to just get more help, right? I was in that mode of, “I need more help. I need more help before I can go back to civilization, because I’m not sure what civilization is going to look like.”

Joe Chura:

What made you realize that you needed more help, because I could see a lot of people after now, what is it, 45 days or so, you’ve been sober, you’re learning. At that point though, weren’t you itching to get back to normal life? How did you know you needed more help?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. You’re absolutely correct. People itch to get out of there. People don’t last. They just want to get out of there. They don’t want to be told what time to get up, they don’t want to be told when to eat, they don’t want to be told to read, that they need to journal, that they need to do all these things. So they are just itching and scratching to get out of the door. And to me, I think the difference is they just have not hit rock bottom yet. Whatever their rock bottom is, they have not hit that yet. And for me, I had hit the bottom of the earth for me. And I just knew if I was going to go back and be a better man and be a better husband, a better leader in this world, a better father especially, I needed to get as much help as possible.

Brian Reyelt:

I wanted to use every resource. I was in a fantastic program. And it wasn’t no glamorous program with acupuncture, and a view that you have in your background right now, it was down and dirty. And that’s exactly what I needed, it was to be taken completely out of my comfort zone. It’s the expression of, get comfortable being uncomfortable. And that was the real first time I had to experience that. And to get through that, and to stay in that environment for a certain amount of time, it changes you. It changes your perspective on life. It changes the value you have, your core principles on what’s really important. And it’s the old saying, if you’re on an airplane, you can’t help the child next to you until you put your mask on first.

Brian Reyelt:

You need to get yourself better before you can help anybody. So I was in a position where, say I’m on a boat, if somebody was throwing me a life jacket, it didn’t matter to me what color jacket that was, I was putting it on and saving myself to move to the next step.

Joe Chura:

Was there a large difference between detox, the treatment center, and then the halfway house?

Brian Reyelt:

Absolutely. Absolutely. The the first facility was about detoxing, and just keeping you alive and safe from harming yourself really. And then it became a learning lesson. When I moved to the treatment facility, it was a real study. And it was a very structured schedule, which helped to instill discipline back in my life. And then at the halfway house, it actually had an even stricter discipline there. And the halfway house is about 65 guys, four bathrooms, the house is falling apart. We would have meetings every day at 1:00, that were accountability meetings. And it’s the old joke that everybody wants accountability in life until you get it. And we were held accountable for each other, and each other’s actions throughout the day.

Brian Reyelt:

Ae had the freedom to go out into the town, and we were supposed to get part-time jobs and stuff or whatever. And I talk about giving back, right? I worked at a soup kitchen. How fortunate is this? I got to work at a soup kitchen. They got to get an executive chef to come in and basically cook all the meals for a couple of months, and organize their menus. And I would feed the homeless, and it just gave me a new perspective. I was feeding in restaurants constantly, I love to serve. But now I’m feeding people so that they can stay alive. And every day was playing that game, Chopped.

Brian Reyelt:

Honestly, I’d walk in and they’d be like, “Okay, you have spinach, you have canned chicken, you have watermelon, and you have tomatoes from the garden down the street, go. You need an appetizer, an entrée, and some sort of dessert with no sugar and no salt.” I’m like, “Oh yeah. All right, let’s do this.” So it helped with my mind, get creative again, get those creative juices flowing. Became friends with these people that live on the streets, heard some unreal stories? And once again, it was like a little family there that I cultivated.

Joe Chura:

That is truly incredible, Brian. I could picture a lot of this in my mind. What are some of the observations that you made with other folks, were they relapsing back to their normal routines? Did you ever have any issues with that?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. Unfortunately the success rate is not high. I believe it’s under 10% success rate that people stay sober. I’m over four years sober now. I have no desire to go back to the dark side at all. I have no problem being around things, around alcohol. I went to Nashville for my best friend’s bachelor party, five months after I got out of treatment. Everybody thought I was insane, and I had the best time of my life, because I’ve been given a gift of this second chance. But I’ll put it to you this way, out of the 10 people I became close with through that process, eight of them are dead. One of them is sober, and one of them is on the run using again.

Brian Reyelt:

And I became great friends with these people. And just to watch people die, die, die. And that’s what it breaks down to, people either die, they end up behind bars, or they get clean. And that is a real life situation. And especially what’s going on with COVID right now, there are so many undiscovered cases out there, people that need help, I’m sure. I’m positive of it. I know people. There needs to be a push.

Joe Chura:

That is why this podcast is going to be called Against all Odds, because that is just an incredible story how you overcame those odds, Brian. I give you so much credit. I do you have a question while we wrap up the side of it. What was it then like leaving the halfway house?

Brian Reyelt:

Sure. So I moved back home. And it was a very big adjustment period for my family and I. And to be completely honest, it still is today. It’s a work on it every day. It’s a work in progress. And it was very difficult for everybody out of the gate. I hadn’t been around for five months. My wife had to manage everything while working and having two children. That’s not easy. I was getting medical help, I was seeing a psychiatrist, I still do, which I think is important to acknowledge their value. And it’s just been a slow, slow, slow road. And then about a year and a half ago, it took off.

Brian Reyelt:

I started surrounding myself with like-minded individuals. It was right around the time I met you. And something clicked, something happened. I had a conversation with my wife, it was my birthday, and she hands me a stack of books and we had this long conversation. And the next day I woke up and something clicked. And all of a sudden I felt this motivation inside of me, and I cannot explain where it came from, but I felt a motivation to really get up and get going. Because up until that point, I suffered from depression. And I don’t suffer any more really per se. I manage my depression. But I was suffering for a long time. And that did nothing positive for my family either, to watch this person that’s supposed to be coming home, and that’s your father, that’s your husband, right? And that’s your brother.

Brian Reyelt:

But I was useless for a while, for a long time, and I just put on weight. I mean, I got up to 280 pounds. And I was usually floating around 215.

Joe Chura:

And this was two years ago ish?

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So I got up to 280, depressed, eating, crying, eating pints of ice cream in parking lots, like a bad daytime movie, was what I was actually living. And I just did not have a will to live. I couldn’t-

Joe Chura:

This is after you got back, you went through all the program and everything. So you’re now back, your family, you feel like you’re on a better track, but you still are depressed because maybe you’re thinking about what I put people through. You’re thinking about what’s my future. What’s my reputation as a business person. All of those things just piling on you. I can imagine it.

Brian Reyelt:

All those things piling on me. And then it’s something that I now know, that I’ve dealt with my entire life. It’s this imposter syndrome where you think you get somewhere, but you’re told you’re not good enough, right? So every time you achieve a milestone, you just all of a sudden you feel like, “I’m not worth it.” And that’s something I didn’t realize growing up, I didn’t realize throughout my career up until now, that I’ve been dealing with that. And it came to the forefront that I just felt, once again, now I’m sober, I’m not worried about drinking or anything like that, but now I’m worried about myself, because I can’t think straight, nothing’s making sense.

Brian Reyelt:

And I’m a log, literally a log. And then if you ask my wife it’s like, “What are you doing? You just spent all this time away. You should be good to go now.” And I couldn’t put words to it. [crosstalk 00:46:48].

Joe Chura:

When you say you had that day, and you’re like, “I just had this day where everything turned around.” What was the catalyst for it? Did you watch a Rocky movie the night before, or have a dream? Was it just you woke up? There had to be something, or no?

Brian Reyelt:

Honestly, I had a conversation with my wife that was honest and from the heart, and she’s like, “I want you to get better. You need to get better. This is not the person I married. This is not the father that our kids need. You’re better than this. I don’t know what’s going on with you. And I don’t know if you need to get more help or what.” And like I said, she handed me some books and stuff. And that night I went to bed and I really had a spiritual awakening. When I say a spirituality, I consider spirituality different than religion, because spirituality to me is somebody that goes through hell, and does not want to go back. Whereas religions can be taken in so many different contexts.

Brian Reyelt:

So I had a spiritual awakening. And I woke up that next morning and I just started to move my body, and went for a walk. And one thing led to another. And then I started training more, and I got into a program where I was training more and training more, and I was surrounded by positive, like-minded individuals. And that’s when I met you. And I just got some wind under my sails. I had started back on my disciplines. I was like, “Okay, I need to eat right. I need to sleep better. I’m going to get up at 7:00 AM, and I’m going to train with this team, no matter what. No matter how I feel, I’m going to do it.” And I just stuck to it. And that discipline just turned into a drive.

Brian Reyelt:

And before I knew it, I weighed myself and I had lost 40 pounds. Because I’m putting on clothes that don’t fit. And I’m like, “Jeez Louise. Wow.” And your physiology, once you start going like that, starts changing your psychology, so you’re automatically starting to feel better. My doctors are like, “What are you doing?” I tell them, they’re like, “Just don’t stop.” So I don’t, I keep going. And then I start setting some goals. And before you know it, I lost 90 pounds. And I was like, “I can’t believe this.” And I could find happiness. I could have conversations with my kids. I started doing different meditations, that’s a huge part of my day, is breath work in the morning. I have these morning and evening rituals where I focus on breath work and meditation and gratitude.

Brian Reyelt:

And really just being thankful for the things that I have, saying in advance the things that I have, because they’re not to be taken for granted. And I know it now, for sure. It’s like one day, one life, you only get one shot at this. And it happens so fast. Yeah.

Joe Chura:

What I didn’t realize is how fresh off of this you were when I met you. I had known you went through it, obviously from our first few conversations, but I didn’t realize how recent it was. I thought there was a bigger gap, I guess, is what I was saying. So the time I met you, that you were just at the beginning of this journey.

Brian Reyelt:

I was.

Joe Chura:

And that’s incredible. That’s incredible.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. You got to witness virtually the whole thing. And I’d say the same thing to you, Joe, honestly, somebody like you, you’re such an inspiration to me. Your story is so incredible. And if your audience doesn’t know it, they should look into it because it’s really remarkable and it’s inspiring. And I would hear stories like yours and other people, and be like, “I can do this.” And just slow, incremental steps, right? Just try to be 1% better each day than you were the day before. And it doesn’t always work, right? But if you can just keep chipping away at it, just put one foot in front of the other, you get out of those funks. And then you can start really helping people, because you feel better.

Brian Reyelt:

And my relationships with my children are so much better, my relationship with my wife is probably the best it’s ever been. It’s from doing the work from every angle, and it’s from them doing the work too, because let’s not forget, when somebody goes down like that, they’re the ones that pay the price. It’s the families and the loved ones of the person that really pay the ultimate price, and they’re dealing with it. And that was a big contribution to my depression as well. And I just didn’t know how to solve it.

Joe Chura:

So I love the physiology helps with the psychology, because I firmly believe that, and that’s the premise of this show and what I try to get out of these conversations, right?

Brian Reyelt:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Joe Chura:

Because I’ve seen that. And I could say that it’s an ongoing thing. You can’t sail on yesterday’s win, you could easily gain all the weight back or relapse, or do everything that you don’t want to do or reverse what you’ve become, if you don’t keep at it. So it’s a continual process, hence Not Almost There, right? Because you’re not there, there. It’s a constant motion. And what’s crazy, Brian, is as you know, man, that you have all these forces against you at all times. It’s like your life’s a headwind. It’s almost like business, what I found when I was growing a business, is all these things are out there, and they all… Not everything, but there’s a lot that hurt your chances of success. Whether that be governance or taxes. You know what I mean?

Joe Chura:

What you don’t realize is, you’re starting a business, and then at the end of the day, the profitability that you barely made, and now you’ve got to give half of that away for taxes. It’s just like there’s just a lot of headwinds in life, but you constantly have to go at it, otherwise you’ll be pushed back. It’s almost like wind or the ocean, there’s a current happening. And if you don’t fight against it, you’re going to be a victim of it, for lack of a better word.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. And something I say all the time is, stay in the fight, just stay in the fight. And I think it all starts in the morning and your breath control, it’s the chicken or the egg, right? If you’re breathing out and control, your body’s going to be out of control, your mind’s going to be out of control. But if you can learn to control that breath work, it’s such a powerful thing. I mean, that’s your number source of energy in life is oxygen, right? So learn to control your breath, and then you can learn to control other things, and just slow down. Just slow it down and take the steps, and just keep going, stay in that fight. Never take the gloves off, is what somebody told me when I was in treatment.

Brian Reyelt:

They were like, “My uncle was a boxer and he always told me, ‘Never take the gloves off.'” I was like, “That is spot on, man.” And it’s true. Because I can tell you examples now where there was hard times all the time, right? As you just alluded to, in different facets of life. And if you can just fight your way through it somehow with kindness, be where your feet are, just have those crucial conversations with people and listen, be an active listener. Those are all just huge components that just make your life a little bit more simple, and then you can really dial it up.

Joe Chura:

How important is it… And this is a leading question into the next topic or assignment that I want to get to, which is [Kokoro 00:56:17]. And we’ll explain what that is in a minute here, but how important is it to have a big goal, a big, hairy, audacious goal, to keep you going north, or you going in the direction you want to go?

Brian Reyelt:

Oh, I think it’s huge. I think goals… Dreams are dreams, but they just remain dreams unless you have goals and set markers along the line to achieve with them. They’ll just always stay in the clouds unless you can pinpoint target areas to achieve. And one of mine was, as you just mentioned, Kokoro, and that’s a really physical, mental crucible done by SEALFIT out in California. And it’s a 50 plus hour crucible done by the Navy SEALs, retired and some active Navy SEALs, where they basically put you through a simulated hell week. And I just did that last weekend, and it was absolutely incredible. It took me a year and a half to train for it, don’t get me wrong.

Joe Chura:

Yeah. Ever since I met you, you’ve been training for this.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. And you know what? I went out and I did it. I secured class 57. And I went out and I attempted to do class 56, the class before, which was in March. And there were 15 of us that lined up to take it on. And it was freezing out. And the cold was just so… It was it own enforcer, right? They could just get you wet and just make you stand there. And like I said, I lost all that weight. So I think I was down to about a 6% body fat. And I felt very confident going into it, but it snuck up on me. And after 30 some odd hours, my body was just not functioning the way it should, I was seeing double, and I felt like my next evolution was going to be in the hospital. I was on the verge of hypothermia.

Brian Reyelt:

So I tapped out of that one. And I’m grateful I did because I came home, I learned from it. And something that Unbeatable Mind has taught me is, they don’t call them wins and losses, they’re wins and lessons. So really it wasn’t a loss for me. It was, what did I learn from that experience? And how can I apply it to train differently and to approach life differently? Because the first time it really observed a lot of real estate in my brain, too. And the second time around, I laugh about it, but I tried to emulate, best I could, Bradley Cooper training to be Chris Kyle for American Sniper. He had to gain 20 pounds in 10 weeks, it was something wild that. And I was like, “If I’m going back to Kokoro, I need to put on weight.” because you burn we’re about, I think 55,000 to 60,000 calories during the crucible, which is a ridiculous amount.

Brian Reyelt:

And they feed you and they hydrate you. But yeah, it’s an absurd amount. So you need some extra juice on you. So yeah, I changed my whole program. I was eating like a maniac. Healthy obviously, but I ended up putting on 15 pounds and went back. There was 45 people signed up… This is how it goes, there was 45 people signed up for the event. 10 people paid and didn’t even show up. That’s how intimidating it is. Yeah. People can look it up, but it’s one of the hardest civilian crucibles in the world. These are Navy SEALs, the elite of the elite, that are going to ferret into your mind, find your weaknesses, and have you get rid of them. They’ll find them for you, point them out, so you can leave those weaknesses there.

Brian Reyelt:

And maybe that is feeling less than, right? So for me it was not feeling a good teammate or whatever it may be. And I’ll lead that situation into… What happened was, 16 of us ended up finishing. So there’s your retention rate of how many people actually stick around.

Joe Chura:

So less than half. So 45 sign up, 10 people don’t even show. If there’s 35, half of those finish, not even.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. Yeah. And that’s a big class that finishes. When it was the 15 of us, only six guys secured.

Joe Chura:

Still less than half. Yeah.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. It’s no joke, and it’s not to be taken lightly at all. So you have to be physically fit, and you have to meet standards. And then you’re good for that portion of it, but then it becomes this giant, mental game. You have sleep deprivation, there’s water, appreciation, so to speak. You’re in the middle of the desert, during the day it’s a hundred degrees. You burn your hand on the sand, constantly doing pushups and all these… Do thousands and thousands of pushups and burpees and all that stuff. And you learn so much from these people, and how to be a better teammate, leader, how to learn to lead, and how to learn when it’s time to follow.

Brian Reyelt:

And the best example I can give is, there was a young lady there who we called Smurfette. And is a phenomenal CrossFitter, one of the best in the country. And we got to the pool, and there was an evolution in the pool. And she was like, “I can’t swim very well.” And I’m like, “All right. Well, I can. I love the water.” So we did this one thing where we were treading water for a certain amount of time, that can be uncomfortable. And she was hanging on, she was in tears, she was afraid she was going to drown. She had a bad experience as a child with it. And I was like, “Just put your hand on my shoulder. I got you. You’re not leaving.” Because if you go over and touch the side of the pool, the cadre is going to be like, “Come on out, you give up.”

Brian Reyelt:

And it’s about that no quit. You just have to push through and find that next level inside of you. So me helping her that moment, and then another teammate of mine came over and he’s like, “I got you on the other side.” So she was holding onto both of us. She gets through that evolution, and we’re like, “Way to go. You got it done.” And next thing you know, it was like somebody put a rocket packet on her back, because she just went wham and took off and literally became the leader of our crew for the next, I don’t know, 30 something hours. It was like we have do log PT, and she’s leading everybody in log PT. These are 300 some odd pound logs you’re putting over your head. And there’s this 5’2″ girl, maybe, if she’s wearing heels. And she’s just crushing it.

Joe Chura:

That’s crazy.

Brian Reyelt:

And it’s just that power of helping someone and then watching them explode. It’s like my story, where you go to that deep, dark part. And then once you can turn out of it, things just start to explode. And that’s just the way life is going now. And I want to continue my discipline, my drive, and determination, that I was able to display there. And take it into the next role in my life and be of better service to people, and just be an all around better person.

Joe Chura:

Yeah. And what’s great about the story too, is you replaced your addiction with another addiction, but it a healthy addiction. And I think that’s important too. You don’t need to have this hole. And I think maybe that’s, now hearing this story again, it just dawns on me, you had this void and maybe that was the cause of your depression. You filled it with exercise and was working toward this huge goal. And the crazy thing now as I think about your story holistically, you’ve taken what you’ve learned, and asking for help and working with others to be a better teammate, to get you through something like Kokoro. So in a weird way, they’re fairly parallel, just they both have to do with teams, asking for help, working together, and overcoming this. Such this incredible mental state that you have to put your mind into, and get through it.

Joe Chura:

Did you see, or ever think back when you were training or going through this, did you draw on that parallel at all?

Brian Reyelt:

I did. Honestly, I did a little bit, but I really, after a week of foggy brain and trying to piece it back together, is when it started to hit me. And Kokoro is Japanese for the merging of the heart and the mind. And that’s really what happens at the event, is you get outside yourself. It’s not about you, it’s about the person next to you. And to use what you’re saying right now, it’s like, I trained with a certain person that we blood, sweat and tears for a year and a half. And then we secured Kokoro together. And these are bonds, like the swimming pool girl, this other girl, it’s like there’s guys that I went through with it that I know these bonds can’t be broken, and I can’t even put them into words how strong they are.

Brian Reyelt:

And that’s the same thing with me in my personal life now, creating these bonds, these new opportunities, right? Taking these obstacles that were in my way, and turning them into these opportunities to be a better father, to be a better husband, right? So that when my kids grow up, I want them to marry the best version of their father that they know. My father left me when my mother passed away. So I didn’t really have a male role model in this, say second half of my life or so. And I think it’s super important for all of those things. Like you said, that balance or that matrix between the two, it is real and it’s surreal. And the moments just keep coming up, where it’s like, wow, you do this, you can do anything. You do that, you’re unstoppable.

Joe Chura:

And you’re going to take this momentum, I know, into your next venture. Do you want to tell the world what that is going to be, and what you’re doing now?

Brian Reyelt:

Well, I’m going to leave it as a little bit of a teaser for you Joe. But my goal and my purpose is to be of service to people. I want to see people reach 20 times their potential, as they would say in A Beautiful Mind. But I want people that are stuck in the rut, and that are sitting in their situation, whether it’s diabetes, obesity, heart disease, mental illness, whatever it may be, how can I be of service to get them out of that zone, and show them through my own examples? And I don’t want to toot my own horn, but listen, if I can do this, trust me, I know you can do it. And maybe it’s at a different rate, maybe it’s a different pace. That’s all good. We got you. Let’s just figure it out, one foot in front of the other, and get them to a place of in prevention.

Brian Reyelt:

So they don’t have to see the white tiled ceiling in a hospital, they don’t have to go through all that crap. You don’t have to be in that mud. They might already be in their own muddy situation, but it doesn’t have to get deeper. It really doesn’t. So trying to put something together along those lines, and I really hope, and I know, I don’t hope, I know it will be a slam dunk. And we’re going to change lives, save lives, and we’re going to have you be a guest speaker one day.

Joe Chura:

Well, it would be my pleasure. I think it’s very exciting to watch this next venture unfold, and I’m here to support it in any way possible. You mentioned Unbeatable Mind a few times. I just want to define what that is for the group here. So Unbeatable Mind was founded by Mark Divine, who’s a former Navy SEAL commander, and has SEALFIT, which I think it started with SEALFIT. Which was an exercise program to mimic some of the SEAL training. Folks use that to train for these events like Kokoro, which Brian was talking about. Then Unbeatable Mind was more of the mental side of things, and incorporated fitness, but it was a lot to do with the mental and breathing. And there’s a website you can get access to called Unbeatable Mind.

Joe Chura:

The group Brian and I were in, was this cohort of a few people that… It was a smaller peer group that was studying, I’d say Unbeatable Mind concepts and philosophy. We were supposed to have more physical events, but because of COVID, they turned virtual. So got to know each other through that. But I highly encourage people to check that out too, especially if they want to understand the power of breath and pausing and not reacting to things. It’s taught me a bunch in my life. And yeah, I just wanted to further define that, because I know that was really important to you, and that helped give you some of your purpose back. I mean, that wasn’t it, but that was a tool that you used, for sure.

Brian Reyelt:

Absolutely. A thousand percent. Nothing but respect for that organization. And they definitely helped me organize and find my passion, my purpose, and my principles. And really what I stand for in life, and what I don’t stand for. So I give them a ton of credit. You got to do the work, but they are phenomenal at what they do. If you want to learn from the best, that’s a great place to go.

Joe Chura:

Yeah. Well, I appreciate you sharing your story today. And I could say that having met you for the first time last year, you were just a beast by that point, meaning you’re just ripped, in shape, and the epitome of health. So to think that a year and a half before that, it wasn’t the case, you were 80 pounds heavier. And it just goes to show you, man, what’s possible. And the power of your why, and just knowing where you were mentally, and having that conversation with your wife in that moment. And for that to trigger all of the positive momentum that you’ve since been able to enjoy.

Joe Chura:

And I know you’re going to take that and do great with this new business venture. But credit your wife, Laura, and your family, and you man, for just pushing through. You’re an unbelievable motivation in me. And I know anyone who’s listening to this, that’s struggling with anything, is going to get a lot out of it. So thank you for sharing, Brian.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah, Joe. I appreciate you taking the time to listen to me, and I hope your listeners can grab something out of this. If it’s asking for help or seeing somebody that needs help, or just finding a discipline, whatever it may be. Or like you said, pausing to breathe before you say that thing that you probably shouldn’t say, that ends up to be a bigger situation that doesn’t need to be. Whatever it is, just always take that deep breath, and think about it. And then if it really needs to be said, say it. And get out there, help somebody and you’ll be rewarded, I promise you. I’m here by the grace of God and the love of my family, especially my wife. And I’m just forever grateful.

Joe Chura:

Yeah. That’s awesome. And I’d want to share how people can find you more, but I know you’re not really much on social. So what I’ll do is, I will make sure I support the new venture when it comes out. And the listeners that want to know more about you, they’ll be able to find you that way. I think you are on Facebook, so I think they could look you up there.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah, I’m on Facebook and Instagram. They can look me up. I choose not to be on social for my own mental health standpoints, honestly.

Joe Chura:

No, it’s not a bad thing. Yeah. My wife cut it off. And I told the story a bunch on the podcasts, but she cut it off and she replaced that with news, which I’m like-

Brian Reyelt:

Oh, no.

Joe Chura:

[crosstalk 01:14:50], honey. But it’s pretty funny, because now it’s like she knows all the negative news and it fills her brain, versus getting frustrated on social. But nonetheless-

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah. Any of your listeners can… Obviously I’ll check in through it now, and anybody can hit me up, private message me for sure. And I’m more than happy to help you, however I can be of service. I am here. That is one of my purposes and passions in life.

Joe Chura:

All right, brother. Well hey, thanks for the time today. I love you man, and everything you’re doing, and you’re just a great person. I’m so glad that you came into my life, and now hopefully to the listeners lives as well.

Brian Reyelt:

Yeah, dude. Love you too. I’m so blessed to be here, and I’m so proud of what you’re doing, Joe. This is amazing. This is just the beginning, right? The best is yet to come.

Joe Chura:

First, I need to thank my friend, Brian, again for his bravery in sharing his story. It’s hard to admit when we’re struggling, and even harder where we feel we might be letting others down in the process. I myself went through a reexamination with my relationship to alcohol, when I completed Andy Frisella’s 75 Hard Challenge. Where you can [inaudible 01:16:04] alcohol, not even a drop for 75 days. For me, if I have to be honest, that was probably the first time periods since I was 17, I know under the age, but I had a bit of a crazy high school in college life, that I went that long without drinking. And what I realized is how much it had been affecting my body, my heart, my mental aptitude. And just a lot of things in my life seemed to lot clearer when I was abstaining from alcohol.

Joe Chura:

And it’s not like I was drinking during the day. I would have a beer or two at night, and I would look forward to it more than anything during the day as way to relax from a stressful day. And I’m thinking that we can all relate to some level. But when I removed alcohol, the impact was almost instant. And whether or not alcohol is an issue for you, there’s probably something that could be overeating, that could be smoking, the list goes on. But the reality is when you start to tackle these things, and start to abstain from them, you’ll find yourself feeling a lot more clear.

Joe Chura:

So as we were on this journey of self betterment, I hope you can take Brian’s story, and think about your relationship with whatever it is that is bothering you, or something non-ideal in your life. Whether that be drinking too much or smoking, take a break and see how you feel. If this episode is calling to mind a friend that might be struggling, say something, do something, be the change you need. And for quick reference, I will include contact information in the show for AA and other various organizations that are here to help. And remember, whatever you’re suffering with, we are in this together, as you, me, we, are not almost there.

 

We are on a mission to help 100,000 people live their best lives! You can help support the  Not Almost There mission by liking and sharing this episode.

You can also support NAT by attending our event, GO. Not only will this support the podcast, but it is truly a day to invest in YOURSELF. GO. Get your ticket HERE! Use Event Discount Code: NAT2021 AND Remember: YOU, ME, WE are Not Almost There.

 

? Learn more about Not Almost There by visiting this link 

→ Not Almost There http://notalmostthere.com/​

 

Connect with Joe on social here:

→Instagram https://www.instagram.com/joe_chura/​

→Facebook https://www.facebook.com/notalmostthere/​

→Twitter http://twitter.com/joechura